june 15 2004
All the little tiny spiders I left here 7 months ago are now the size of my fist! I was raised not to kill spiders but this is out of control. Now they pose an imminent threat to the security of my workspace. Sure before I left they served a purpose: keeping the other insects to a minimum. But now they have grown too large and have become more effective killers. I have already been bit twice while trying to clean and destroy their webs and I have seen at least one black widow and know that there must be more, possibly poisonous ones, hidden in places I cannot yet find.
I tried to convince my wife that we need to buy weapons of insect destruction, at least a box of 6 cans, enough to destroy the monstrous insects and also keep extra in stock in case the threat ever reoccurs. But she said so much pesticide costs too much money, and she’s not into chemical warfare. My argument is what about our safety and the safety of the workspace? How can we work in a place where there might be spiders lurking? Sure where we work will smell of chemical poisons and we will have to tighten our belt buckles a bit to get the stuff in mass quantity… but its worth it for the future of our office.
So I just took the money out of our account without her knowing and went shopping. Did you know that there is a spray out to kill insects called REVENGE! What the F*$#! YEEEE-HAAAAH. I got some of the chemical genocide I’m used to, also: good old-fashioned RAID! Boxes of the stuff. This is gonna be more fun than I thought.
I’m currently still at war with these evil-doers. What I thought would take a day has taken a week and I’m still not done. We ran out of weapons and had to start using money that had been set aside for the light bill, the phone bill, future projects, our future kids’ future college funds, etc. So what if we have to go into intergenerational debt to finance this righteous war?
Mwaaa ha ha ha ha ha!
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