May 30th 2005
Today I came back from the post office and there were like 15 kids (mid to late teens) chilling HARD on my fence. Some were sitting on the curb, some where leaning on the street sign, some were leaning on the fence. Most had the obligatory blue bandana and there was even one girl there with a baby. As we got out of the car to go past them and into into the house we all exchanged looks. There was quite a bit of tension. Mostly that bullsh*t male territory thing (at least between me and the older boys). I told my mom (who was with us) that I was going to talk to them. She got immediately got defensive and said “NO! those kids might have guns” Jamyla said “yeah but they are just kids” which I agree with TOTALLY.
WE…YOU and I are the adults that need to talk to these children, like our parents did us. WE CANT BE AFRAID OF OUT CHILDREN!!!! people seem so overwhelmed with this seemingly abrupt rise in "gang" culture and often dont know where to start. I say start at our fence!
I felt what I had to say needed to be direct but I couldn’t think of what exactly to say. And I didn’t want to just make something up on the spot. Truth be told I don’t like seeing them on the corner but more than that I hate seeing the cops coming around, and more than that I hate seeing children lying in the street bleeding from bullet holes, like the 2 children that got shot near that corner last year. I think they lived but their blood stained the street for weeks. i'd be lying if i didnt say walking by it almost everyday didnt messed me up. I remember that shoot out. Neighbors had bullets lodged in their house’s and fences. One neighbor was almost shot in the head.The only thing that saved him from being a statistic was his computer screen. How crazy is that?
I went to my bedroom looked out the window and rehearsed what must have been a hundred things to say and a thousand ways to approach them without seeming corny, but by the time I got my spiel together they were gone.
Since then I have felt like a failure. Still do. I feel like I failed that moment. The first thing that came to mind was how about 2 months ago someone had written “crip” on someone’s fence with neon colored fun spray one day after school let out. It was a very “lord of the flies” moment but more than that it was just so sad. You know? Isn’t fun string spray supposed to be fun?
I’m sure their will be more opportunities as the summer draws nearer.
to be continued....
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